Dating after an affair updating the 1980 s house
“Despite the ambiguous statistics, it seems reasonable to speculate that more couples are staying together after infidelity than not,” he says.There are a few factors that make a couple more likely to try to work it out, psychologist Paul Coleman, Psy.“Couples can emerge from an affair with a better sense of who they each are and what they want from their relationship.”Amatenstein agrees.“It's not going to be the same, but that doesn't mean that it can't be strong in some ways stronger than it was originally,” she tells SELF.That includes letting the partner who was cheated on see emails and cell phones, which Coleman calls “random ‘drug tests.’” “It seems like the cheater is now on probation, and that is not ideal, but the betrayed partner needs to rebuild trust and faith,” he says.“Knowing they can check on their partner's phone or computer is a bit reassuring.”Handing over email and social media passwords can be another sign of trustworthiness.Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D., tells SELF that, due to the sensitive nature of the topic, it’s hard to know for sure how many couples stay together after infidelity.
If there is one thing experts agree on when it comes to dealing with infidelity, it’s that while recovery is possible, rebuilding a healthy relationship is hard work.“It is a long road to recovery when one partner cheats,” licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago, tells SELF.
“The person who was cheated on usually struggles to know what is real anymore.
Their ability discern what is real gets damaged.”To try to repair this, Derhally says the person who cheated needs to be completely honest, even if it will seemingly hurt their spouse more, since continuing to hide the truth can cause even more damage.
“A troubled relationship is not an excuse for cheating, but if improvements can be made in broader areas—communication, time together, sex, etc.—it can be reassuring to both that cheating is less likely to occur,” Coleman says.“A major thing with couples is always to have them realize that there are two people there, and each person has to own their stuff, because blame is a big deal,” Sherry Amatenstein, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, tells SELF.
She also says that it’s important to take advantage of whatever communication skills couples always have, even if they’re not perfect. If they're willing to get out all their repressed stuff and learn how to communicate better, that certainly can be a help.”The cheater also needs to not only take full responsibility for the betrayal, but to show patience and understanding that healing from their actions is a long process, Cilona says.“Giving passwords, things like that, it's a gift that someone who's betrayed you gives that says, ‘You can have 100 percent trust in me and you can look through my things and you can do what you need to do,’” Derhally says.